State of My Photography 2019/2020

Looking Back at 2019

I keep doing my daily photos but I seem to be only doing the bare minimum, it is as if I like the idea of being of being someone who photographs everyday instead of actually doing it. I say I am passionate about photography but I have to show it too and all this is mostly to myself. Photographing everyday shouldn’t feel like a shore, it should be something I do without even thinking about it. So it seems even in my pursuit of my passion I’m totally lazy and “faking it”. Not only is it that I don’t learn anything new this way but I don’t grow as a photographer. I can’t show anything good from it either. I’m using the circumstances of my life as an excuse, always thinking I can’t photograph what I want because either I don’t have any money, I don’t have a place to do my photography,  or what ever the reason might be, the truth is that I’m too much of a coward. Let me explain. The thing is that I’m scared of, is not knowing how to do something, photographing I know, but it’s finding people to photograph that I have trouble with.  That is a problem I have for life in general, I’m too isolated and feel it’s never “a good time” to reach out to friends or people, feeling that I can’t trust my future enough to allow me to make commitments or to come through my promises. The same with my photography, if I manage to find good opportunity for interesting photos. I get scared and hesitant that I won’t be able to pursue it because “reasons”. 

So that’s how my 2019 pretty much was, me looking at people from afar and most often not even looking at people but inanimate objects because that’s “safe”.

Looking Onward

I want to experience life, experience the world and thus always be in a good position to find good photos. What my photography has always been is to have a reason to explore, to travel, to experience, and to meet people. It’s the best tool I have to do what I want to do in life. So when I fail at my photography I fail my life, so that has to stop and something I need to concentrate on making a genuine effort going forward and not be held down by my self-esteem issues.

What I want photography to be. Finding a core, an essence of me and the world I see and the world I want to find. That should be my primary goal, why else would I be doing this? How else can I even do something that might be good? I have to look onward not just for 2020 but it should set the tone and foundation for what will be my photography for the foreseeable future. I might be putting too much pressure on it but it’s more about feeling and seeing where it takes me. I have to figure out what I really am interested about and explore it, whatever it is, even if it is just to try it out.





I Tried to Only Drink Espresso for 30 Days.

One experiment I did, or tried to do was to only drink an espresso per day for 30 days. I thought I could cut down on how much coffee I drink and especially just how much time I spend in cafes. My plan was to see if that made me be out there living life more instead, photographing more.

And I failed miserably! Just managed to do a few days. I didn’t spend any less time in cafes and would often buy several espressos. I don’t even like espresso that much, I do prefer regular black coffee! So I just realised that why not just get what I want and went back to black coffee. No regrets!


Lookback July 2018



Théâtre Chochotte Part 2: Honey and the White Mess

Walking into the small room no idea what to expect,
you told me to get close as you started to open my pants.
We were naked and we sat down, too far away.

Honey, you told me your pussy tastes like honey,
rarely have I wanted to taste so intensely.
But there was a price I couldn’t afford.

Your eyes went to my hard cock with curiosity,
I felt like I could cum in that instant.
To savour it, I slowed down as much as possible.

As I heard how wet you were becoming, 
you also remarked how I was the same for you.
Both wet and dripping, wanting what couldn’t be.

My efforts to prolong started to fail,
looking at you play with your sweet pussy.
All I could really do, was a massive mess.


	

Théâtre Chochotte Part 1: The Hard Walk Home

In my lap you were naked and grinding,
your ass moving and pressing.
I grew harder and harder.

With only thin suitpants between us,
you had to know how precisely you pleased me.
Your ass stroking my hard cock.

Your tits were just a breath away,
moving in a sensual way as you arched your back.
You started touching your pussy.

As you were pretending to cum,
I was just a few touches from actually cumming.
The song ended and you stand up smiling at me.

At midnight and closing hours,
I'm hoping to finish with a private dance.
You walk away with another man and I walk home, hard.


Lookback June 2018